The Edit

Monday, 29 September 2014

I lost the plot

Note: I reflected back on a conversation I had a few weeks ago with my friend Alix about writing and blogging. Could I really identify with being a writer when I haven’t written anything remotely decent for ages now (or tried to for that matter) and could I call myself a blogger when I haven’t been doing much of that either? I’ve been lazy social media-ing lately – my accounts are filled with photos because I upload to Instagram and it automatically updates all my social media so it looks like I’m there but not really there. So this is my attempt at being a writer/blogger in one post.

I have lost the plot.

Yes, it’s true. How do I know this? 1. Because even my tried and tested trick of browsing through endless pages of inspirational/motivational quotes on Pinterest and re-pinning them in my own (this is where it gets cheesy) “Inspire” board doesn’t work anymore and 2. Boston’s More Than A Feeling was the only song I listened to and played it 38 times in one day. Why this is a sign of losing the plot I don’t know because I actually love that song.

I know I should have seen this coming. I had a falling out with a friend who was like a sister to me, I’m adjusting to a fabulous new job, and my work-life balance is nonexistent. In hindsight, I probably knew that sooner or later this would happen. Yet I chose to ignore it hence why we’re here right now.

All this, paired with post-Winter blues (is that a even a thing?) is possibly how I lost the plot. But then again maybe it’s because I turn 23 in a week and I always seem to be in a funk closer to my birthday (Case in point last year I wrote an article about it and a girl in my writing class called my piece offensive because I apparently wasn’t suffering enough to garner such feelings).

It sure doesn’t help that a few weeks ago I kind of saw firsthand how much I was not nailing this work-life balance thing. I guess it’s because I genuinely enjoy working and doing things that I struggle to relax. But sometimes life just throws little plot twists at you and you get to experience what it’s like to hold hands with a beautiful boy while watching a film and you start feeling again. It was exhilarating but also makes you realise how much you’re missing out on. Especially when beautiful boys just want to be friends and you might possibly never hear back from them again.

And now I’m sitting here wrapped up in a fleece blanket because I’m sick yet again for the nth time this year and I’m feeling all the feels. But this is good, right? Acknowledging that this is happening and feeling things again means that my heart isn’t stone cold yet! Realising that I am in this space right now means that I can start taking the necessary steps into changing things around.  

Because losing the plot can be a good thing. It forces us to re-examine our lives and reminds us that we are all human. That we all feel the same things. That we all have our moments. That ultimately we are alive as opposed to merely living.

So tonight I’m having some beef broth for dinner to nourish myself (in fact it is slow cooking as I type this), I’m going to write in my actual journal (handwriting! Pen! Paper!), and I’m going to pin the shit out of my Inspire board on Pinterest. Because this is the best part of losing the plot. . . finding it again.

Watch this space.

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