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In December

. Wednesday, 5 December 2018 .

I've got to be honest with you - this post was actually going to be something different. I have it saved in my drafts and all, wrote around 500 words on it, have the photos loaded and everything. And then my granddad died. It felt like the whole post in itself became pointless to me. It was a whole lot of complaining about how I was feeling unmotivated and not like myself lately. It was a word vomit of how crappy I've been feeling since turning 27, how my world feels so upside down lately, and how exhausted I was. But then what's the point? I am here. I am alive. 

That's not to say all my problems have magically disappeared with this realisation. No, things are still in the spectrum of awful. It feels as though every aspect of my life is stressful - work has been so unbelievably exhausting and stressful even more so than usual, our dealings with ANZ Australia has been physically and emotionally stressful and frustrating (but more on this story to follow). All I ever seem to do now is go to work, come home and do more work while dealing with this ANZ situation. Somehow between that I've been managing to make dinner, shower, etc. You know those basic things humans do.... yeah. That. 

I am exhausted. I am feeling numb. I have reached my limit. Right now when something shit happens, I'm kinda just like.... yes. Hey look, here's another bad thing*. What's another bad thing on top of the other, eh? There's that. It's happening again. 

Needless to say, I am looking forward to having a break from everything. It really cannot come soon enough. 

But on to the good bits now. I've been going to a lot of media screenings to different films and I've been saying yes to ones that I wouldn't normally go for because I want to try new things. Last week I started and ended the week with movies. Monday night was a special screening of the new JLo film Second Act (it's got Milo Ventimiglia in it too and it's a good time) with Roadshow. I've got a special post around that coming up - a review, giveaway, and interview with one of the stars of the film! I'm so so excited to share that with you. Legit just waiting for the embargo to be lifted now so watch this spaceeee. 

Then Friday night was spent at the Paramount Pictures Christmas party and special screening of Instant Family. Ok but let's talk about this real quick - I felt so, utterly spoilt at this party! There was a Krispy Kreme donut wall (I ate like, 2, and then got a few more to bring inside the theatre for the movie), a photobooth with instant prints (because Instant Family = Instant Prints. I don't make the rules), a caricature artist who drew us on the spot (!!!!), all the canapes and drinks, plus your standard movie snacking like popcorn, drinks, and ice cream. I was stuffed. And then there was the movie. I wanted to see it again and was gutted it doesn't actually open until January 10 next year. More than a month away! How am I going to last that long?! All I can say is it was devastatingly beautiful, heartwarming, and is easily one of the best films I've seen this year. 

So ya know, it's not all doom and gloom here. I feel like I'm going through some very painful growing pains (yes, the redundancy of this statement does not escape me) and I'm barely surviving. But I'm here and I'm trying. She's exhausted but she's doing her best. 

This December I'm trying to enjoy the little things - especially those little things that make me forget everything even for just a little while. Whether that's a film, arranging flowers, listening to music with my eyes closed on the train... it's good for the soul. 

Sometimes all you need is a good escaping in your head. I started the month couped up in bed, binge-watching all episodes of Bodyguard. The rain was falling and all my windows were open. I stood in the balcony for ages and watched it all fall from the sky. It was lovely. On Sunday I ate ice cream for breakfast in bed. I had a slow morning, trying not to be on my laptop or phone, catching up on magazine articles. The ultimate Sunday morning activity, to be honest. A few weeks ago Ben and Jerry's sent me a few of their new non-dairy flavours to try and let me tell you now that they are amazing. I don't even like coconut in ice cream but I enjoyed the coconut seven layer flavour! The real winner for me, though, is the peanut butter and cookies. Oh good lawdy. This is divine! Since trying it, I've probably gone out and bought a tub of it thrice already. Excessive, I know, but you'll understand once you've tried it. I actually prefer this now. It's not too sweet, the cookie bits are massive (I feel like an archaeologist digging up an ancient artefact when I uncover a big piece of cookie in my ice cream tbh), and non-dairy means it's tummy friendly. I get mine from the Ponsonby scoop shop and you can find out more here. Thank you Ben and Jerry's for bringing this into my life. You have single scoopedly handedly saved my sanity these past few weeks.

I want to put together some death resolutions. It's not as morbid as it sounds, I promise. You know that feeling you get when someone close to you dies and all of a sudden it's like a switch has been turned on? You are jolted awake, suddenly all too aware of our finiteness and how fragile life is. How life is happening now and the present is all we're ever promised so we must do it now. Don't wait. Don't wait. Don't wait. That's been echoing in my mind for these past few weeks. Don't wait. These resolutions will maybe be that - a list of things I will no longer be waiting for. Or maybe it will turn into something different. All I know is right now it feels like life is short and I want to live it fully. Maybe once my body catches up on sleep. But then would that be a form of waiting, thus going against everything I've just said? I don't even know. 

It's 12:08 am and I really should go to bed. I have to be up soon to do this all over again. I kind of don't want to. Good night. Don't wait. 


I've got to be honest with you - this post was actually going to be something different. I have it saved in my drafts and all, wrote around 500 words on it, have the photos loaded and everything. And then my granddad died. It felt like the whole post in itself became pointless to me. It was a whole lot of complaining about how I was feeling unmotivated and not like myself lately. It was a word vomit of how crappy I've been feeling since turning 27, how my world feels so upside down lately, and how exhausted I was. But then what's the point? I am here. I am alive. 

That's not to say all my problems have magically disappeared with this realisation. No, things are still in the spectrum of awful. It feels as though every aspect of my life is stressful - work has been so unbelievably exhausting and stressful even more so than usual, our dealings with ANZ Australia has been physically and emotionally stressful and frustrating (but more on this story to follow). All I ever seem to do now is go to work, come home and do more work while dealing with this ANZ situation. Somehow between that I've been managing to make dinner, shower, etc. You know those basic things humans do.... yeah. That. 

I am exhausted. I am feeling numb. I have reached my limit. Right now when something shit happens, I'm kinda just like.... yes. Hey look, here's another bad thing*. What's another bad thing on top of the other, eh? There's that. It's happening again. 

Needless to say, I am looking forward to having a break from everything. It really cannot come soon enough. 

But on to the good bits now. I've been going to a lot of media screenings to different films and I've been saying yes to ones that I wouldn't normally go for because I want to try new things. Last week I started and ended the week with movies. Monday night was a special screening of the new JLo film Second Act (it's got Milo Ventimiglia in it too and it's a good time) with Roadshow. I've got a special post around that coming up - a review, giveaway, and interview with one of the stars of the film! I'm so so excited to share that with you. Legit just waiting for the embargo to be lifted now so watch this spaceeee. 

Then Friday night was spent at the Paramount Pictures Christmas party and special screening of Instant Family. Ok but let's talk about this real quick - I felt so, utterly spoilt at this party! There was a Krispy Kreme donut wall (I ate like, 2, and then got a few more to bring inside the theatre for the movie), a photobooth with instant prints (because Instant Family = Instant Prints. I don't make the rules), a caricature artist who drew us on the spot (!!!!), all the canapes and drinks, plus your standard movie snacking like popcorn, drinks, and ice cream. I was stuffed. And then there was the movie. I wanted to see it again and was gutted it doesn't actually open until January 10 next year. More than a month away! How am I going to last that long?! All I can say is it was devastatingly beautiful, heartwarming, and is easily one of the best films I've seen this year. 

So ya know, it's not all doom and gloom here. I feel like I'm going through some very painful growing pains (yes, the redundancy of this statement does not escape me) and I'm barely surviving. But I'm here and I'm trying. She's exhausted but she's doing her best. 

This December I'm trying to enjoy the little things - especially those little things that make me forget everything even for just a little while. Whether that's a film, arranging flowers, listening to music with my eyes closed on the train... it's good for the soul. 

Sometimes all you need is a good escaping in your head. I started the month couped up in bed, binge-watching all episodes of Bodyguard. The rain was falling and all my windows were open. I stood in the balcony for ages and watched it all fall from the sky. It was lovely. On Sunday I ate ice cream for breakfast in bed. I had a slow morning, trying not to be on my laptop or phone, catching up on magazine articles. The ultimate Sunday morning activity, to be honest. A few weeks ago Ben and Jerry's sent me a few of their new non-dairy flavours to try and let me tell you now that they are amazing. I don't even like coconut in ice cream but I enjoyed the coconut seven layer flavour! The real winner for me, though, is the peanut butter and cookies. Oh good lawdy. This is divine! Since trying it, I've probably gone out and bought a tub of it thrice already. Excessive, I know, but you'll understand once you've tried it. I actually prefer this now. It's not too sweet, the cookie bits are massive (I feel like an archaeologist digging up an ancient artefact when I uncover a big piece of cookie in my ice cream tbh), and non-dairy means it's tummy friendly. I get mine from the Ponsonby scoop shop and you can find out more here. Thank you Ben and Jerry's for bringing this into my life. You have single scoopedly handedly saved my sanity these past few weeks.

I want to put together some death resolutions. It's not as morbid as it sounds, I promise. You know that feeling you get when someone close to you dies and all of a sudden it's like a switch has been turned on? You are jolted awake, suddenly all too aware of our finiteness and how fragile life is. How life is happening now and the present is all we're ever promised so we must do it now. Don't wait. Don't wait. Don't wait. That's been echoing in my mind for these past few weeks. Don't wait. These resolutions will maybe be that - a list of things I will no longer be waiting for. Or maybe it will turn into something different. All I know is right now it feels like life is short and I want to live it fully. Maybe once my body catches up on sleep. But then would that be a form of waiting, thus going against everything I've just said? I don't even know. 

It's 12:08 am and I really should go to bed. I have to be up soon to do this all over again. I kind of don't want to. Good night. Don't wait. 

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