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Sunday, 23 August 2015

That feel when you put yourself out there


"I can feel my heart beating in my chest"

"That is the way you should feel your whole life." 

- Paper Towns

The last two weeks has been the most intense weeks of my life so far and I feel like I'm only just catching my breath now. I forced myself to pause and slow down tonight, opting to have a very yummy bubble bath (and my new facemask from Lush) with a glass of wine, candles, and flowers. I kept thinking about everything that happened in the last two weeks and the whole time, I was thinking about that specific line from Paper Towns.

I've had quite a few of those moments lately - exhilarating, heart beating so fast, eager anticipation, and the feeling you get when you're about to do something wild and courageous and brave.

I spoke at the graduate panel for Spark Festival about my career journey so far since graduating last year. It was an honour to be part of it as the 3 other people who spoke before me have already achieved so much (one even has a Hollywood film experience in her resume) and afterwards was told that there were people at the spill-out room that came just to hear me speak. Then just a few hours later, I had PechaKucha happening.

Because I decided a few months ago that it would be a great idea for me to do one (honestly why do I do this?) as well as organise my biggest event for the year, I was a bit flustered beforehand trying to get everything sorted. But of course, in some groovy cosmic way, everything worked out seamlessly. I got up in front of a crowd of almost 200 people and talked about the moments that made me feel alive. The event was a huge success thanks to the fantastic speakers that agreed (got bullied into) speaking, and of course to everyone who came along.

During that week I learnt what it meant to put myself out there in every aspect of my life, both professionally and personally, and all I can say that it feels so goddamn good to feel no matter what the outcome.

I have never been more grateful to have a heartbeat.

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